Loving Our Sons

Merry Christmas. I hope that every one's was as enjoyable as mine was, surprisingly. There was a nice buffet involved and no arguments. anywhoo back to the reason I am writing this article.
My older sister once stated that in the Black community we raise our girls and love our sons, meaning that mothers are harder on their daughters than their sons. Now this can come from many factors; the first is that mothers love their sons and daddy's love their girls, The second we overcompensate for the way they are treated in society and we try to lift them up all the while ignoring the needs of our girls. Now many may disagree with me with the resurgence of the Black is beautiful campaigns that are springing up everywhere but what about the nurturing that girls need, not just confidence. What about the development of their creativity and helping them be able to measure their self worth not with their looks or accomplishments but with their character.I am not saying that we should not love black men or black boys but we should not give them passes for their mistakes or behavior just because its hard out there.

Now before I go off on a tangent I want to talk about the inspiration for this article, a recent 16 and pregnant left a truly sower taste in my mouth. a young girl who had gotten pregnant had married the father of her child and was constantly disrespected by his family. The father had given up a football scholarship in order to be present in his child's life. Rather than informing the couple about family options at college his family attack the girl verbally by questioning the paternity of the child. Now everyone is entitled to a little resentment, but damn no one placed the blame on the blamee. He was the one who gave up his scholarship not her and they both didn't use protection.

What also stood out to me was that there were no men in the household besides the father of the baby and his younger brother, meaning that these women his mother and grandmother were single parents. These black women tore down another woman of color, even though they new what she was going through, encouraging him to leave and trying to give him an easy out through the paternity test request. They would have him be irresponsible and selfish, and see another woman struggle as they did.

In our community we have a lack of responsibility toward other black women. Because we are taught to pull ourselves up by our boot straps, even if we aren't given boots we must make a way. We will not allow for weak moments or tears or excuses.In the words of the city high song

" if my mother could do it, you can do it"

No I can't. And to you sir if my daddy could raise not only his three biological children but his step daughter and his nieces than so can you. I feel like sometimes we let our men complain about their struggles and ignore our own, or at least push them to the back burner. This is how we raise our children and its not fair. I have news for black men: It is just as hard for me as it is for you out here. I have to prove myself as a talented women, when people make up their minds about me when I walk through the door or read my name. We struggle together so you shouldn't be coddled anymore than me. You shouldn't be excused more than me and you need to learn from the past and not repeat mistakes of your fathers just as I have to not repeat mistakes of my mothers.

We are in this together. All I know is that I will love my children for who they are and try my damnedest not to show favoritism or more tenderness to one over the other. I will love them all with an open heart and with all my might.

somethin to chew on
PLBG

A heavy heart

This Po Lil Black girl is sad right now. After crying for an ungodly amount of time and waking up with puffy eyes I m the one at fault for my misery and no one else. I failed myself. I always knew that failure was lurking around the corner and I just invited it in. I am ashamed of myself and the work that i have done beacuse I am much better.I don't know exactly where ii let myself fall was it in taking too many classes or working or hanging out with my boyfriend, crazy deadlines or am I really just a lazy ragady bitch. I know its a combo of them all. I really feel bad and angry with myself for this but thats life.
I guess i'll be just another Cleveland girl going to Tri-C next semester, instead of graduating. This shit really hurts

Yall please pray for this PoLil black girl
Cause I need it,
love PLBG

Jeffery Campbell just Ruined My Life

Dear friends,
I can't believe it has been so long since we last talked. Now usually I try to look into deep seated emotions or goals, but today I just want to talk about things I want, Specifically a pair, damn near any pair of Jeffery Campbell Shoes. Though they are moderately priced they still are out of the budget of this Po' Little Black Girl. so there fore I have come to the conclusion that Jeffery Campbell and designers in his Market are trying to ruin any chance of me saving a dime. Take a look:





See What I'm saying.
Yall Pray for this Po Little Black Girl, or donate me some shoes for Christmas,

Love PLBG

P.S, I will talk to you all soon

3 goals and foolishness that should have been done

Hey yall,

This Poor Little Black girl is having a time today. It is the first day of my senior year here at Kent State and I am dazed and confused. I am really trying to figure all my classes out, which I should have done in March,(this last minute shit is so passe).Anywho schedule conflicts and brokeness are my two major issues this semester. Should i go with whats important to me or whats easy and will get me outta here on time. I'm confused and I need help.
My 3 goals this year are:
1) 3.0 GPA
This is why I have to get these classes sorted out. I refused to fail or even see a C next to my name once finals are in
2) Make it into senior portfolio
Time management and craftsmanship are going to be my friends- I.E I'm getting a planner
April 16 it's do or die
3)Save enough money to go to Paris ( and then do it)
Get a job, though I have been parlaying today i will apply, apply, apply I deserve Paris

Yall, Please pray for this Po Little Black girl and drop some words of wisdom if you can,

Peace,
PLBG

Grudges

So....

After the last post I got a few interesting comments.My thighs got hot, now only a select few know what that means but lets just say I felt the need to defend my position. Maybe what I said doesn't apply to all BM & WW relationships but you gotta admit it does apply to some. I'm not apologetic for what i said. Though sometimes I can walk down the street and not give two good damns about who's with who, but sometimes I do feel a twinge or find myself wondering why. One comment that I read said that I was holding on to grudges, that I should take a note from MLK and think about Unity. My first mind was to say that I am a Malcolm head so.., but then I stood back and thought, Maybe I am holding on to a grudge.

For those who are free of it and who don't carry the sins of their fathers I applaud you.You are lucky that you don't have to face insecurities and hate embedded so deep within you that you don't know they are there until you read about it or come across certain situations. In 11th grade I took African American History. My mind opened up my relaxer grew out ( at lest the first attempt), and I became very aware of things that I never noticed before.

I never thought I had color issues until I saw a man one day at my Target job the summer after my class, and thought "he is too dark."He looked at me knowing that I was staring and called me sister. I hated myself in that moment. I hated that in me there were thoughts that I hadn't placed there. That somewhere down the line someone said that dark skin, thick coarse curly hair, big lips, big eyes, big noses big butts, big breast were some how not beautiful. Not even human. That in this country we were 3/5 a person that we didn't have souls. that our body was not the American standard of beauty. Even though we have been here since 1619. Black women have to tip toe around our sexuality, Cant go but so far because we don't want to seem promiscuous.You Damn right I got a grudge.

And honestly i am afraid to let go of it. because I fear somehow I would forget my past. My struggle, My people, Myself. It's like this:

Thou art not holy to belie me so; 48
I am not mad: this hair I tear is mine;
My name is Constance; I was Geffrey’s wife;
Young Arthur is my son, and he is lost!
I am not mad: I would to heaven I were! 52
For then ’tis like I should forget myself:
O! if I could, what grief should I forget.
Preach some philosophy to make me mad,
And thou shalt be canoniz’d, cardinal; 56
For being not mad but sensible of grief,
My reasonable part produces reason
How I may be deliver’d of these woes,
And teaches me to kill or hang myself: 60
If I were mad, I should forget my son,
Or madly think a babe of clouts were he.
I am not mad: too well, too well I feel
The different plague of each calamity.


I quoted this monelouge from Shakespeare because it relates to how I'm feeling. I wish i could forgive and forget, but I can't. I can't let go of shit that still affects me. I feel it, see it, think it everyday. So I'm sorry if I have grudges. I'm sorry that the N word doesn't flow as easily out of my mouth as others because some how in some peoples minds it has changed into a non offensive word (side bar I do slip fro time to time). I'm sorry that I may have the occasional internally racist thought. And Im sorry that I may have a problem with a Black Man and a White woman. I don't want to go back to not knowing or not caring or being unaware of my people, not just our beauty, but our true selves. Our sence of community. Our movements. Our beliefs. Our heritage. i know the struggle doesn't make you who you are but it does show you what you are made of. I don't want to lose that.

That's life, and I'm still workin on it
PLBG

Black Men and White Women: Why?

So I been doing some thinking, and admitting and I have to confess that I sometimes have a problem with white women and black men.So I started to analyze why I and so many other black women have this issue. We are told that Black Men don't belong to us, that they don't want to be limited, they are exploring other possibilities, they are curious etc. But the feeling of abandonment, anger, and disloyalty is still there. This is not a new feeling either, though many in the media are blasting it now it has been there. I have heard it all my life.

In the Autobiography of Malcolm X, Malcolm stated that when he walked on the streets of Harlem with a white woman on his arm he was respected and admired. He had the White Man's prize- his precious white woman that he protected at all cost(ie lynching: case in point Emmit Till). The white woman was a status symbol. Many Black women believe the case is the same today. Why is it that so many Black Men's picture of success include a non Black Woman. I once was told that many men in a corporate setting feel that they already stick out enough the are just trying to fit in.

Some Black Men say that dating White women is easier. I have to agree in some way it could be easier. White women don't share a history with Black Men and they have no expectations of them. We expect Black men to be our brother, lover, friend, confidant, protecter, provider, leader, father, son, revolutionary, our everything except Jesus. We approach them in relationships knowing at least some part who they are because we are apart of it. We, as all women carry baggage of past relationships or wrong doings ad we can attach it to the new Black men in our lives. We can push them away when we want them to stay, but are afraid of being vulnerable. We can degrade them by simple quotes like"Niggas aint SHIT." They may not always understand our love and how we express it. They don't know that we yell at them because we are concerned. We don't want them to leave and be out all night, because they may never come back. We love Black men. From the way they walk, talk, smell, their build, their color everything. But the way we express it can push them away.

My boyfriend told me to not look at it as a rejecting to Black women but as a man being curious of what else is out there beyond all he has ever known. He also said that as he and some men were talking about this topic that one said that he did not want to be limited. Now when I hear this I can take it two ways. The first is that when a man sees someone of interest wether she be purple, if he is moved to approach her he will. The other way I can take it is that in some way dating Black women is limiting, That we are not a spectrum of ideas, abilities, looks and personalities. I just don't know what they are thinking but I hope its the first one.

Whatever reason Black Men give, we will never be satisfied. We just cant understand why they don't want us. What's wrong with my milk chocolate, nappy head, dominant featured self. What's wrong with your mother, sister, friend, daughter. Aren't we enough. Haven't we been there through thick and thin.We were down for the movement, up with the people and we created the world with you and still you betray us.


I hope in writing this article that no one is offended, this is all my opinion, and nothing that I'm saying is law. I hope this opens up dialogue and understanding to why we feel the way we do and why Black Men do what they do.


Yall Pray for this Po Little Black Girl and yourselves so that we can get a better understanding and to let go of this unsettling feeling.

Love
PLBG

Balancing Act

It wasn't long ago that I realized that I was, in fact....... A Black Woman. I know that this sounds silly but the whole women part of it is a revelation. All the things that I had read about or had seen my sisters mother, aunts and friends go through I am now experiencing. I t is really hard. How am I supposed to maintain good relationships with God, family, my man, and my friends, do well at my internship- where I just pulled a 10 hour shift, save money in New York City, have a social life, work out- God knows I'm slackin, Figure out what kind of designer I am, Motivate myself and others, Fulfil my responsibility to the community, be socially and Ethnically Conscience and Cute all at the same time. Not to mention I have to fight self doubt complaining, Stereotypes low expectations and being called a racist because I love me some black people. This is really hard.

I never knew why after work my mom would just crawl in the bed - if it wasn't church night that is. It was because she and so many sistahs are tired of the balancing act. Carrying the world on their shoulders, having little time to enjoy life and explore their passions and putting everything before themselves. It's hard most days but I realized how beautiful and strong we must be to be able to do so much. I'm still figurin it out. But so far I have concluded that I love being a Black woman.

I hope you all do too

Love PLBG

Maturity

Maturity is something that comes with age. Duh. Maturity and responsibility are two things that I struggle to maintain. Once I think I am handling myself accordingly, boom another thing I procrastinated on just pops In my face. When am I ever going to have it all together. The answer is ..... who knows. I hope that one day soon I will have all my shit together. I know that is how many of my sistahs out here feel. The reality is that we are all works in progress. There will be things that we excel at when we first try and there are things that will test our strength ambition and maturity. I am learning that tears are not the answer to every mistake or even a good healing process. We have to learn from our mistakes, not wallow in them. I am growing I swear but it definitely takes some rime, common sence and prioritizing.

Pray for this Po Little Black Girl so that I can become a better women and in return I will do the same for you.

Much Love and learning,

PLBG

Being Ungrateful

So po little black girl is back in the city of dreams.But this concreate jungle as of yet

holds no joy. I actually cried because I was home sick. My internship starts tommorow and

I'm getting paid. I'm not sure why I can't seem to be happy about this. I know my mom and

dad are savrificing for me to be here. I just want to smack myself into some kind of eagarness

but its not happening wait let me try.... Yea it didn't work. Anyway I feel ungrateful and like

a big baby I will suck this up and make the best of it. I hope.

Love
Po Little Black Girl

Stress

"The Nigger Woman is the mule of the world" When Zora slip this line in Nanny's lecture to Jannie, in her epic novel, Their Eyes Were Watching God, She spoke volumes of Black Women's place in society at that time. Though it is hard to be a young Black women in America at this present time, with the misogynistic rap videos, being told we will never get married, we will have to choose career or relationship, our net worth being $5, and our private hair and skin issues publicized- We still have a voice and more choices than our Grandmothers, and our mothers. There are many of us who now self inflict this "Mule of the World" philosophy. We try to have it all at once. We have our school work, organizations, businesses, side hustles, blogs(lol), internships, our man, staying in shape, staying conscience of ourselves and carrying the race on our backs. With all these things going on in the minds of young Black women its a wonder why we are not all on the brink of a nervous break down.

We represent ourselves our families, our universities and prospective organizations, and the Diaspora eveytime we walk out of the house. Its too much. Sometimes i just want to scream for freedom of this passed down thought process.

We should hustle and push ourselves, but not past the point of exhaustion. We have to learn our limitations. I love being a Black women because of our strength and our tenacity. We can display these characteristics without juggling 100 things at once.

Let it go sistahs,

Love,
PO Little Black Girl

This Po little Black girl needs a plan.

For the first time in three years I have no clue about what my next step is. I am realizing that I have been given so much and now I must try to do things for myself. In that I have recognized my faults, failures, lack of interest and attitude which holds me back from success. My biggest things are my time management and my defensiveness. Now before you roll your eyes and think I have a case of CPT or Angry Black woman syndrome. ( I personally hate these stereotypes and even mentioning them because to become better we must realized that we as Black people are not all the same. We are beautifully different and Amazing and each of us have different experience that make us who we are) I am extremely slow at doing things. Whether its a case of procrastination, ADD or just Parlaying, I always seem to be doing things up until the last minute. I hate this about myself and that it not only affects me at school but in my internship. I intern with TR designs, That's Tracy Reese for yall who don't know. She is a Black Woman who has gotten me together one too many times. But I thank her and her staff for not letting me slide. If we do not show each other the way how can we progress in the future.

My attitude is something else that i am working on whether I'm too emotional, or rolling my eyes, When it comes down to it Its just not professional. I want to be the me I know is inside but digging through the ragadyness is hard. Admitting your problems is always the first step though,right?
Anyway this summer is really baffling me. I have five weeks before I must return to Cleveland and I am scared. I don't want to work in Beachwood Mall and see the same old people. No offense to anyone in Cleveland but I want to do something meaningful this summer. All my sisters should. It is our futures and we can't let attitudes, lack of organization, or self doubt hold us back from accomplishing our goals and fulfilling our purpose.

Please sisters,
Pray for this PO little Black girl

Po Little Black girl

PO Little Black girl,

Insecure and alone

Po little black girl without a home

Po little Black girl the statistics are not in your favor

You'll most likely be a baby mama

Successful in your career but not in life

Angrey

Bitter

Broke

Agressive

Hateful

Asexual

A Whore

A Prude

Ugly

Lost

Have color/ hair issues

42% of yall will never marry

and you must carry the world, the past, and all of this nonsense on your shoulders

Po little Black girl, when will this struggle be over

When will You, I, Us

Let go of the steriotypes

Statitistics, beliefs, and doubts

When will we allow ourselves to be full asnd complete women

For no one but ourselves

Po Little Black girls, Jion me in this journey to finding our place in this world