Thursday, October 18, 2012

Fat & the City

Am I too fat for this city? After months of living in New York I am starting to really feel the pressure to lose weight. I have been talking for months about getting a workout regimen and I eat fairly healthy but I can always do better. However, I am getting tired of people on the street telling me how big I am. Guys, who are trying to flirt with me mind you, have said” I see them thighs jiggling. “, or “ You look like a thick Grace Jones”. And yesterday when getting on the train, I asked someone could I sit and she looks at me and says, “I don’t think you will fit.” Damn am I really that fat? Am I too big for this City? Is a size 0 -6 the range that I have to fit in? Shit I’m an 8/10. In Cleveland I am normal; to be considered thick you are usually a 14/16. I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore. First off, I hate the term Thick, though this wasn’t always so. I used to take it as a compliment. I know I may be one of the few Black women to have this opinion, but to me being thick means I’m still loose and wobbly. I guess at some point I decided that I was no longer fat or “Thick” just Medium, right in the Middle of it all. This could explain my nonchalance about losing those extra pounds In New York mostly everyone is thin or trying to get there. The fashion industry is even crazier and more weight conscious. Previously I freelance in design. The girl who sat across from me who was no bigger than a 4 was on Weight Watchers. Now I work at Barney’s in stock. (Not my proudest moment but hey a girls gotta pay rent.) Anyway most of these designers don’t go above an 8, maybe a 10 if you are lucky. I thought that when I lost weight five years ago that I was done with weight discrimination. For everyone who has ever met me I usually talk about my fat years in high school. I was once a true fat girl. So I understand being one of the bigger people in the crowd. In New York I feel that way again. But here being a size 8 is apparently plus sized Truth moment my ass does need to get into gear. I have visited a few places from Crunch to the YMCA. My biggest problem/excuse is that I’m broke. I mean broke broke. If it’s not food I’m not buying it. Now that I have a new job this excuse can’t hold up any longer. But truly I have been lazy. I have 25 lbs to lose. I want to be 135 pounds. As I get there mentally and physically I don’t need this city telling me how big I am. My only goal is to tone, to be a better me, just because I owe it to myself. So Dear New York I will not fall prey to your advances. I will not drink coffee for breakfast, eat handful of pistachios for lunch, And a tiny cupcake or half of an over rated Macaroon for desert. My thighs are going to jiggle for a little while longer, and we will just have to squeeze in on the train. Yall Pray for this Chunky Po Little Black Girl and let’s set up some Running dates, PLBG