My Portfolio

Compassion

Recently something tragic happened to me and my family. Something I thought would never happen or I would never think would happen so soon. My father passed away quite suddenly. I feel as if it is too soon to really understand the true weight of this tragedy's affect on my life and on the lives of my family, our church, and the community. All I know now is that my Daddy was a good man.

When someone that close to you passes you want life to stop. I still wish i could go back to two weeks and 4 days ago, which was the last time I saw my daddy.

The grieving period is a strange thing. For one week we got calls and food and visits, but after the funeral it all stopped. When I returned to school people were just the same as the week before the funeral. They would ask me if I was ok and then after I answered they would continue talking about their own lives. I know that no one is obligated to feel my pain but a little empathy couldn't hurt. I feel like some people do what they think is appropriate rather than having genuine feelings. I'm not saying that this is everyone or that I am not thankful for the support , but i do feel that sometimes we including me are so wrapped up in our own lives that we can't understand what people are going through.

I have heard so many people say I can't imagine what you are going through. I always want to say "try, try and imagine how you would feel if you lost a parent. If you lost part of your foundation how would you stand?" When I am feeling this way I remind myself of how I acted when this happened to a class mate or a friend. I remember in the moment feeling sorry for them, and not wanting to even think about feeling the way they felt. I just brushed off their sadness and went back to fussin about my "stressful" life.

I lacked compassion and understanding. This ordeal has made me long for true human connection. I want to understand people's pain in order to soothe them better.I want to be more helpful to others. I want to be more selfless. When my daddy got sick 3 weeks ago a girl from my class I am cool with drove me home. No questions asked. I had to question myself in that moment, Would I do that for someone I know. Someone who is not my best friend, my sister, just someone I know.
Now I know that I would. I hope that i never forget the kindness that was shown to me by so many people, and I will try to forget those who were less than compassionate because they will learn their lesson just like I did.

I hope I don't sound ungrateful or that anyone will take offense.
Just some of my thoughts

Yall pray for me
PLBG

Light skin Vs Dark Skin= Division

Hey Yall,
Happy new year. I know I'm a little late but it still counts right. Any who over winter Holiday i heard some disturbing news, yet again another rapper/ public figure reinforcing feeling of inferiority on black women. Little Wayne and members of his camp were rumored to have said something to the effect that they preferred lighter women over dark skin amongst many other heinous statements. Now if this is true I have one thing to say.....
Who gives a flying fuck what Little Wayne and young money have to say about us.Most of them probably don't know where these feelings come from or sadly they don't care. We were programed to believe that we ( and i mean everyone apart of the African diaspora) were inferior in every way from looks to intelligence. Even though many scientific, artistic and cultural movements in America were created by us. Part of the reason why we as a people are not further along is because of the divisions set up during slavery, One that had the most impact was Color.

I personally believe that color issues are more intensified amongst Black women than our male counterparts.Also the pressure to fit our standard of beauty is just as ridged as the European standard. But if one does fit the standard they should not be faulted.The thing is its all bullshit. No one can tell you you are more attactive because you are light skin. No one should have the power to determine if you are less down because you have a yaki flowin down your back. You are the master of your mind. You let in things and there fore you have the power to them out.

It really disturbs me that people still have color preferences, especially in dating. I'm guilty of it. Back in the day I remember saying" I can't date a light skin man, they're too pretty." Or guys who approach my friend who happens to fit the black man's fantasy," you're my type , you are light skin with long hair" Not you're my type you are independent, you graduated from college at the age of 20, you are ambitious, etc. Or another favorite i hear" you are pretty to be dark skin" Is being dark skin a handicap? Is being Light skin a privilege? I guess i was lucky i never have had too fight the battle of being call "White, octroon, Nigga White, Black Cat, smut or spot"

I remember when my sister was getting her Master's, some guy told her point blank he had a color limitation on what his wife would look like. Leaving her out. I think i was too young to understand how hurtful this must have been to her and many other women. To be told you will never be good enough in someones eyes , most hurtful of all that someone is your brother.Or being told by your sister that you are a wannabe. All it does is tear us down and apart. I'm seriously through with this shit I hope it is through with me and I pray that color-ism is expelled from my mind and eventually our culture. I don't want to pass this bull shit down to my children that lie stops here and now.

We are all beautiful because God made us.
Pray for me and you to,

PBLG