Am I too fat for this city? After months of living in New York I am starting to really feel the pressure to lose weight. I have been talking for months about getting a workout regimen and I eat fairly healthy but I can always do better. However, I am getting tired of people on the street telling me how big I am. Guys, who are trying to flirt with me mind you, have said” I see them thighs jiggling. “, or “ You look like a thick Grace Jones”. And yesterday when getting on the train, I asked someone could I sit and she looks at me and says, “I don’t think you will fit.” Damn am I really that fat? Am I too big for this City? Is a size 0 -6 the range that I have to fit in? Shit I’m an 8/10. In Cleveland I am normal; to be considered thick you are usually a 14/16. I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore.
First off, I hate the term Thick, though this wasn’t always so. I used to take it as a compliment. I know I may be one of the few Black women to have this opinion, but to me being thick means I’m still loose and wobbly. I guess at some point I decided that I was no longer fat or “Thick” just Medium, right in the Middle of it all. This could explain my nonchalance about losing those extra pounds
In New York mostly everyone is thin or trying to get there. The fashion industry is even crazier and more weight conscious. Previously I freelance in design. The girl who sat across from me who was no bigger than a 4 was on Weight Watchers. Now I work at Barney’s in stock. (Not my proudest moment but hey a girls gotta pay rent.) Anyway most of these designers don’t go above an 8, maybe a 10 if you are lucky. I thought that when I lost weight five years ago that I was done with weight discrimination. For everyone who has ever met me I usually talk about my fat years in high school. I was once a true fat girl. So I understand being one of the bigger people in the crowd. In New York I feel that way again. But here being a size 8 is apparently plus sized
Truth moment my ass does need to get into gear. I have visited a few places from Crunch to the YMCA. My biggest problem/excuse is that I’m broke. I mean broke broke. If it’s not food I’m not buying it. Now that I have a new job this excuse can’t hold up any longer. But truly I have been lazy. I have 25 lbs to lose. I want to be 135 pounds. As I get there mentally and physically I don’t need this city telling me how big I am. My only goal is to tone, to be a better me, just because I owe it to myself.
So Dear New York I will not fall prey to your advances. I will not drink coffee for breakfast, eat handful of pistachios for lunch, And a tiny cupcake or half of an over rated Macaroon for desert. My thighs are going to jiggle for a little while longer, and we will just have to squeeze in on the train.
Yall Pray for this Chunky Po Little Black Girl and let’s set up some Running dates,
PLBG
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Fat & the City
Am I too fat for this city? After months of living in New York I am starting to really feel the pressure to lose weight. I have been talking for months about getting a workout regimen and I eat fairly healthy but I can always do better. However, I am getting tired of people on the street telling me how big I am. Guys, who are trying to flirt with me mind you, have said” I see them thighs jiggling. “, or “ You look like a thick Grace Jones”. And yesterday when getting on the train, I asked someone could I sit and she looks at me and says, “I don’t think you will fit.” Damn am I really that fat? Am I too big for this City? Is a size 0 -6 the range that I have to fit in? Shit I’m an 8/10. In Cleveland I am normal; to be considered thick you are usually a 14/16. I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore.
First off, I hate the term Thick, though this wasn’t always so. I used to take it as a compliment. I know I may be one of the few Black women to have this opinion, but to me being thick means I’m still loose and wobbly. I guess at some point I decided that I was no longer fat or “Thick” just Medium, right in the Middle of it all. This could explain my nonchalance about losing those extra pounds
In New York mostly everyone is thin or trying to get there. The fashion industry is even crazier and more weight conscious. Previously I freelance in design. The girl who sat across from me who was no bigger than a 4 was on Weight Watchers. Now I work at Barney’s in stock. (Not my proudest moment but hey a girls gotta pay rent.) Anyway most of these designers don’t go above an 8, maybe a 10 if you are lucky. I thought that when I lost weight five years ago that I was done with weight discrimination. For everyone who has ever met me I usually talk about my fat years in high school. I was once a true fat girl. So I understand being one of the bigger people in the crowd. In New York I feel that way again. But here being a size 8 is apparently plus sized
Truth moment my ass does need to get into gear. I have visited a few places from Crunch to the YMCA. My biggest problem/excuse is that I’m broke. I mean broke broke. If it’s not food I’m not buying it. Now that I have a new job this excuse can’t hold up any longer. But truly I have been lazy. I have 25 lbs to lose. I want to be 135 pounds. As I get there mentally and physically I don’t need this city telling me how big I am. My only goal is to tone, to be a better me, just because I owe it to myself.
So Dear New York I will not fall prey to your advances. I will not drink coffee for breakfast, eat handful of pistachios for lunch, And a tiny cupcake or half of an over rated Macaroon for desert. My thighs are going to jiggle for a little while longer, and we will just have to squeeze in on the train.
Yall Pray for this Chunky Po Little Black Girl and let’s set up some Running dates,
PLBG
Monday, May 2, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Compassion
Recently something tragic happened to me and my family. Something I thought would never happen or I would never think would happen so soon. My father passed away quite suddenly. I feel as if it is too soon to really understand the true weight of this tragedy's affect on my life and on the lives of my family, our church, and the community. All I know now is that my Daddy was a good man.
When someone that close to you passes you want life to stop. I still wish i could go back to two weeks and 4 days ago, which was the last time I saw my daddy.
The grieving period is a strange thing. For one week we got calls and food and visits, but after the funeral it all stopped. When I returned to school people were just the same as the week before the funeral. They would ask me if I was ok and then after I answered they would continue talking about their own lives. I know that no one is obligated to feel my pain but a little empathy couldn't hurt. I feel like some people do what they think is appropriate rather than having genuine feelings. I'm not saying that this is everyone or that I am not thankful for the support , but i do feel that sometimes we including me are so wrapped up in our own lives that we can't understand what people are going through.
I have heard so many people say I can't imagine what you are going through. I always want to say "try, try and imagine how you would feel if you lost a parent. If you lost part of your foundation how would you stand?" When I am feeling this way I remind myself of how I acted when this happened to a class mate or a friend. I remember in the moment feeling sorry for them, and not wanting to even think about feeling the way they felt. I just brushed off their sadness and went back to fussin about my "stressful" life.
I lacked compassion and understanding. This ordeal has made me long for true human connection. I want to understand people's pain in order to soothe them better.I want to be more helpful to others. I want to be more selfless. When my daddy got sick 3 weeks ago a girl from my class I am cool with drove me home. No questions asked. I had to question myself in that moment, Would I do that for someone I know. Someone who is not my best friend, my sister, just someone I know.
Now I know that I would. I hope that i never forget the kindness that was shown to me by so many people, and I will try to forget those who were less than compassionate because they will learn their lesson just like I did.
I hope I don't sound ungrateful or that anyone will take offense.
Just some of my thoughts
Yall pray for me
PLBG
Friday, January 14, 2011
Light skin Vs Dark Skin= Division
Hey Yall,
Happy new year. I know I'm a little late but it still counts right. Any who over winter Holiday i heard some disturbing news, yet again another rapper/ public figure reinforcing feeling of inferiority on black women. Little Wayne and members of his camp were rumored to have said something to the effect that they preferred lighter women over dark skin amongst many other heinous statements. Now if this is true I have one thing to say.....
Who gives a flying fuck what Little Wayne and young money have to say about us.Most of them probably don't know where these feelings come from or sadly they don't care. We were programed to believe that we ( and i mean everyone apart of the African diaspora) were inferior in every way from looks to intelligence. Even though many scientific, artistic and cultural movements in America were created by us. Part of the reason why we as a people are not further along is because of the divisions set up during slavery, One that had the most impact was Color.
I personally believe that color issues are more intensified amongst Black women than our male counterparts.Also the pressure to fit our standard of beauty is just as ridged as the European standard. But if one does fit the standard they should not be faulted.The thing is its all bullshit. No one can tell you you are more attactive because you are light skin. No one should have the power to determine if you are less down because you have a yaki flowin down your back. You are the master of your mind. You let in things and there fore you have the power to them out.
It really disturbs me that people still have color preferences, especially in dating. I'm guilty of it. Back in the day I remember saying" I can't date a light skin man, they're too pretty." Or guys who approach my friend who happens to fit the black man's fantasy," you're my type , you are light skin with long hair" Not you're my type you are independent, you graduated from college at the age of 20, you are ambitious, etc. Or another favorite i hear" you are pretty to be dark skin" Is being dark skin a handicap? Is being Light skin a privilege? I guess i was lucky i never have had too fight the battle of being call "White, octroon, Nigga White, Black Cat, smut or spot"
I remember when my sister was getting her Master's, some guy told her point blank he had a color limitation on what his wife would look like. Leaving her out. I think i was too young to understand how hurtful this must have been to her and many other women. To be told you will never be good enough in someones eyes , most hurtful of all that someone is your brother.Or being told by your sister that you are a wannabe. All it does is tear us down and apart. I'm seriously through with this shit I hope it is through with me and I pray that color-ism is expelled from my mind and eventually our culture. I don't want to pass this bull shit down to my children that lie stops here and now.
We are all beautiful because God made us.
Pray for me and you to,
PBLG
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Loving Our Sons
Merry Christmas. I hope that every one's was as enjoyable as mine was, surprisingly. There was a nice buffet involved and no arguments. anywhoo back to the reason I am writing this article.
My older sister once stated that in the Black community we raise our girls and love our sons, meaning that mothers are harder on their daughters than their sons. Now this can come from many factors; the first is that mothers love their sons and daddy's love their girls, The second we overcompensate for the way they are treated in society and we try to lift them up all the while ignoring the needs of our girls. Now many may disagree with me with the resurgence of the Black is beautiful campaigns that are springing up everywhere but what about the nurturing that girls need, not just confidence. What about the development of their creativity and helping them be able to measure their self worth not with their looks or accomplishments but with their character.I am not saying that we should not love black men or black boys but we should not give them passes for their mistakes or behavior just because its hard out there.
Now before I go off on a tangent I want to talk about the inspiration for this article, a recent 16 and pregnant left a truly sower taste in my mouth. a young girl who had gotten pregnant had married the father of her child and was constantly disrespected by his family. The father had given up a football scholarship in order to be present in his child's life. Rather than informing the couple about family options at college his family attack the girl verbally by questioning the paternity of the child. Now everyone is entitled to a little resentment, but damn no one placed the blame on the blamee. He was the one who gave up his scholarship not her and they both didn't use protection.
What also stood out to me was that there were no men in the household besides the father of the baby and his younger brother, meaning that these women his mother and grandmother were single parents. These black women tore down another woman of color, even though they new what she was going through, encouraging him to leave and trying to give him an easy out through the paternity test request. They would have him be irresponsible and selfish, and see another woman struggle as they did.
In our community we have a lack of responsibility toward other black women. Because we are taught to pull ourselves up by our boot straps, even if we aren't given boots we must make a way. We will not allow for weak moments or tears or excuses.In the words of the city high song
" if my mother could do it, you can do it"
No I can't. And to you sir if my daddy could raise not only his three biological children but his step daughter and his nieces than so can you. I feel like sometimes we let our men complain about their struggles and ignore our own, or at least push them to the back burner. This is how we raise our children and its not fair. I have news for black men: It is just as hard for me as it is for you out here. I have to prove myself as a talented women, when people make up their minds about me when I walk through the door or read my name. We struggle together so you shouldn't be coddled anymore than me. You shouldn't be excused more than me and you need to learn from the past and not repeat mistakes of your fathers just as I have to not repeat mistakes of my mothers.
We are in this together. All I know is that I will love my children for who they are and try my damnedest not to show favoritism or more tenderness to one over the other. I will love them all with an open heart and with all my might.
somethin to chew on
PLBG
My older sister once stated that in the Black community we raise our girls and love our sons, meaning that mothers are harder on their daughters than their sons. Now this can come from many factors; the first is that mothers love their sons and daddy's love their girls, The second we overcompensate for the way they are treated in society and we try to lift them up all the while ignoring the needs of our girls. Now many may disagree with me with the resurgence of the Black is beautiful campaigns that are springing up everywhere but what about the nurturing that girls need, not just confidence. What about the development of their creativity and helping them be able to measure their self worth not with their looks or accomplishments but with their character.I am not saying that we should not love black men or black boys but we should not give them passes for their mistakes or behavior just because its hard out there.
Now before I go off on a tangent I want to talk about the inspiration for this article, a recent 16 and pregnant left a truly sower taste in my mouth. a young girl who had gotten pregnant had married the father of her child and was constantly disrespected by his family. The father had given up a football scholarship in order to be present in his child's life. Rather than informing the couple about family options at college his family attack the girl verbally by questioning the paternity of the child. Now everyone is entitled to a little resentment, but damn no one placed the blame on the blamee. He was the one who gave up his scholarship not her and they both didn't use protection.
What also stood out to me was that there were no men in the household besides the father of the baby and his younger brother, meaning that these women his mother and grandmother were single parents. These black women tore down another woman of color, even though they new what she was going through, encouraging him to leave and trying to give him an easy out through the paternity test request. They would have him be irresponsible and selfish, and see another woman struggle as they did.
In our community we have a lack of responsibility toward other black women. Because we are taught to pull ourselves up by our boot straps, even if we aren't given boots we must make a way. We will not allow for weak moments or tears or excuses.In the words of the city high song
" if my mother could do it, you can do it"
No I can't. And to you sir if my daddy could raise not only his three biological children but his step daughter and his nieces than so can you. I feel like sometimes we let our men complain about their struggles and ignore our own, or at least push them to the back burner. This is how we raise our children and its not fair. I have news for black men: It is just as hard for me as it is for you out here. I have to prove myself as a talented women, when people make up their minds about me when I walk through the door or read my name. We struggle together so you shouldn't be coddled anymore than me. You shouldn't be excused more than me and you need to learn from the past and not repeat mistakes of your fathers just as I have to not repeat mistakes of my mothers.
We are in this together. All I know is that I will love my children for who they are and try my damnedest not to show favoritism or more tenderness to one over the other. I will love them all with an open heart and with all my might.
somethin to chew on
PLBG
Thursday, December 16, 2010
A heavy heart
This Po Lil Black girl is sad right now. After crying for an ungodly amount of time and waking up with puffy eyes I m the one at fault for my misery and no one else. I failed myself. I always knew that failure was lurking around the corner and I just invited it in. I am ashamed of myself and the work that i have done beacuse I am much better.I don't know exactly where ii let myself fall was it in taking too many classes or working or hanging out with my boyfriend, crazy deadlines or am I really just a lazy ragady bitch. I know its a combo of them all. I really feel bad and angry with myself for this but thats life.
I guess i'll be just another Cleveland girl going to Tri-C next semester, instead of graduating. This shit really hurts
Yall please pray for this PoLil black girl
Cause I need it,
love PLBG
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Jeffery Campbell just Ruined My Life
Dear friends,
I can't believe it has been so long since we last talked. Now usually I try to look into deep seated emotions or goals, but today I just want to talk about things I want, Specifically a pair, damn near any pair of Jeffery Campbell Shoes. Though they are moderately priced they still are out of the budget of this Po' Little Black Girl. so there fore I have come to the conclusion that Jeffery Campbell and designers in his Market are trying to ruin any chance of me saving a dime. Take a look:
See What I'm saying.
Yall Pray for this Po Little Black Girl, or donate me some shoes for Christmas,
Love PLBG
P.S, I will talk to you all soon
I can't believe it has been so long since we last talked. Now usually I try to look into deep seated emotions or goals, but today I just want to talk about things I want, Specifically a pair, damn near any pair of Jeffery Campbell Shoes. Though they are moderately priced they still are out of the budget of this Po' Little Black Girl. so there fore I have come to the conclusion that Jeffery Campbell and designers in his Market are trying to ruin any chance of me saving a dime. Take a look:
See What I'm saying.
Yall Pray for this Po Little Black Girl, or donate me some shoes for Christmas,
Love PLBG
P.S, I will talk to you all soon
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