Compassion

Recently something tragic happened to me and my family. Something I thought would never happen or I would never think would happen so soon. My father passed away quite suddenly. I feel as if it is too soon to really understand the true weight of this tragedy's affect on my life and on the lives of my family, our church, and the community. All I know now is that my Daddy was a good man.

When someone that close to you passes you want life to stop. I still wish i could go back to two weeks and 4 days ago, which was the last time I saw my daddy.

The grieving period is a strange thing. For one week we got calls and food and visits, but after the funeral it all stopped. When I returned to school people were just the same as the week before the funeral. They would ask me if I was ok and then after I answered they would continue talking about their own lives. I know that no one is obligated to feel my pain but a little empathy couldn't hurt. I feel like some people do what they think is appropriate rather than having genuine feelings. I'm not saying that this is everyone or that I am not thankful for the support , but i do feel that sometimes we including me are so wrapped up in our own lives that we can't understand what people are going through.

I have heard so many people say I can't imagine what you are going through. I always want to say "try, try and imagine how you would feel if you lost a parent. If you lost part of your foundation how would you stand?" When I am feeling this way I remind myself of how I acted when this happened to a class mate or a friend. I remember in the moment feeling sorry for them, and not wanting to even think about feeling the way they felt. I just brushed off their sadness and went back to fussin about my "stressful" life.

I lacked compassion and understanding. This ordeal has made me long for true human connection. I want to understand people's pain in order to soothe them better.I want to be more helpful to others. I want to be more selfless. When my daddy got sick 3 weeks ago a girl from my class I am cool with drove me home. No questions asked. I had to question myself in that moment, Would I do that for someone I know. Someone who is not my best friend, my sister, just someone I know.
Now I know that I would. I hope that i never forget the kindness that was shown to me by so many people, and I will try to forget those who were less than compassionate because they will learn their lesson just like I did.

I hope I don't sound ungrateful or that anyone will take offense.
Just some of my thoughts

Yall pray for me
PLBG